For the Young Twenty Something

June 10, 2021

There comes a time in every young person’s life, around 22-26 years of age, when they come to question some of the relationships in their life. Every young person comes to this crossroads: do I keep the person in my life, or do I break up with them? How do I end this relationship?

Think of the college student who realizes she no longer wants to be friends with her childhood best friend, who goes to school across the country. The young lady notices she no longer feels happy when around her best friend, and in its place, are feelings of anxiety and annoyance. 

This is a highly psychological and emotional situation; it must be handled with love and honesty. Honesty with self is the first step. Recognizing your feelings towards your friend have changed. You may feel guilt and confusion; these are all parts of the process. 

It is a discombobulating experience, to come to terms with the fact that someone you love is not the person you once thought they were; or perhaps that you have both changed, in diverging directions. 

We’ve all heard the phrase: Love is blind; when we love, we often do not focus on the person’s flaws and shortcomings. Instead, we choose to focus on the parts that are great. Equivalent to the honeymoon phase in romantic relationships; we experience a similar phenomenon in friendships, especially friendships from when we are young. 

The relationships we have reach a pivotal point in the early to mid twenties. The levity and fun of youth is changing into something new, and you are growing out of the ways you and your best friend once connected. Understand, this is natural. 

The early to mid twenty-something year old is building a life of their own for the very first time, perhaps living away from family, experimenting with their newfound independence. At its root; experiencing new parts of life. 

All of these changes come to a crux when you have to ask yourself : do I really want to keep this person in my life? The real question to ask is, do I want to allow this person’s influence in my adult life.  Think about it on levels, because sometimes a person’s value is hidden. Realize, that as you are becoming more certain of who you are, so are the people in your life. Time is moving us all forward; even if the person has seemingly remained the same. 

Always listen to your parents

Take what your parents have to say about your friends seriously. It’s all too easy to brush off their comments because they don’t know the person like you do. If you feel the need to constantly defend the person; this may be a sign to listen. The wisdom of years that parents give their children is more valuable than gold. 

Not everything they say will be accurate to the situation. Be able to hear the core of what your parent is attempting to communicate with you by listening actively. Keep in mind who the parent is, to make sure you are hearing it correctly. Each parent has different ways of communicating with each child. The parent doesn’t bend to the child, the child does the bending.

This is your parent, if you don’t understand, ask questions. Listen to their examples, one of the best ways to learn a lesson, is through stories.  They aren’t perfect, and so you must use your judgement; the information they give that’s no good, don’t use. There are things you can only know from age.

Life has a way of working itself out. Adult life will too; the nature of your friendships will naturally change with time.  Try not to be mean.