Ego in Romantic Love – Part II

June 03, 2021

How To Listen to Your Loved One Who Feels like a Victim

Victimization is a person telling you how the world is affecting them. They need to be listened to like a child; both wife and husband share this need. Be patient, calm, understanding and kind. *This type of thoughtfulness counteracts the effects of a puffed up ego, and strengthens comfort which allows two people to become closer.* Do not judge, it is not a helpful behavior.

Continue to behave this way, even when your romantic partner does not. Once you abandon this behavior and lose your sense of humility, you have entered the doorway to Victimhood. Hopefully, your partner will have the awareness to show you the patience, understanding and kindness you need when you feel like a victim.

Ego adds weight to situations, not substance.  Like a big Burrito with rice as the ego.

Don’t waste good time trying to control people, they have their own egos for that. 

First of all, do not get overwhelmed by all the things going on. It is a pattern that is part of life; so it never stops. Take one thing at a time.  When you let all the things in life overwhelm you, you live in a state of anxiety. At the point of anxiety, the Victim’s understanding of themself is warped by the things happening in their life.  

The way you see yourself consists of the things you feel, the things you think, your emotions, vocabulary, the things you do, your recollection of the past, the people you love, the gods you serve, the work you do, the level of accountability you accept, and the responsibility you take. 

In the Victim Mindset, these things are seen through the lens of the Ego

**This Awareness, is the defense that shields our psyche from the destructive effects of unchecked ego.**


When your lady feels like a victim and is freely expressing herself to you, she is sharing the most profound and native part of her. Expressing herself as a victim is a highly personal experience for a woman. If you react in a defensive manner, she will feel rejected. 

Gentlemen, understand that a woman’s emotional processing operates different than that of a man; when she feels like a victim, she is experiencing this state from a multitude of emotional layers. When victimization occurs, it is never because of one event or moment.

In her state of victimhood, memories and scenarios flood to the forefront of her mind, all of which conveniently support her current thought process. Like a flood of water, her emotions push through the canals of her mind. WHOOSH. 

When she is communicating as a Victim, simply listen. Do not take what she says personal; she is sharing the rashness and inner workings of her emotional mind. 

If she cannot share with her Man what is most natural to her, she will find somewhere she can.

“Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”; both husband and wife will secretly seek a space where they can be free – do not be mistaken, this is infidelity. (All as a result of feeling like a victim). What a highly sensitive mechanism, the relationship must be handled with care. 

If a man listens to his wife with love, patience, and understanding, a beautiful union will form. A fulfilling love, where she can be herself, and he can be himself, sharing the deepest parts of themselves to only each other. 

When a man is sensitive to his lady’s differences; the magic of man & woman happens. He uses these parts of her as a tool, to strengthen their union. 

When a person speaks a language you do not speak, we say “oh wow, you’re bilingual, that’s amazing! I’m trying to learn French myself.” 

If a man listens to his lady express herself to him, over time he will learn the language, he will learn what she needs, how to move with her – this is the insight you’ll gain..

How do you listen

Men have a tendency to become emotional when listening to the woman they love, when she’s in a victim state of mind. 

Am I listening from the perspective of an opponent or from perspective of man who truly loves her and wants her to be healthy and happy? 

If you are listening from a defensive place, be aware of it. This is the awareness of Ego.

If a man listens, his woman will tell him everything necessary to keep her in comfort.


Ladies, when your man feels like a victim, and is freely expressing himself to you, resist the urge to emote the flood of thoughts you have in response. If you do, you are not allowing him to be free and communicate with you. 

….You take on the title of Victim, and make it about you, whether intentional or not. Imagine every time you share yourself with him, he makes it about himself. 

It is often said that a woman wants to share with her man, not for solutions, but for an ear to listen. A man shares with his woman to communicate what he needs, what he is lacking; not as an attack on his girl, he loves you, but to strengthen the union. 

The continuation of turning his communication back on him will surely result in his becoming emotionally unavailable. Listen with love. Understand that he is not trying to hurt you. As difficult as it may be, reserve your comments for later, if you listen, you  will hear his hurt. You love him. When your man feels like a victim, he is freely expressing himself to you. This is when he needs you.

 If a woman listens to a man, she will hear why he wants her submission. 

If he cannot explain why she should submit, he loses her 

Gentlemen, understand that what you are communicating to your lady has to be reasonable for her to be on board. If what you are asking for is unreasonable, she will leave the relationship. 

Explain what you need in a way she can understand. If you do, she will give you what you need with love, understanding and support. 

Ego is part of you, there is no escaping it, but, Victimization is a mindset for the majority of people. Learning to see it and avoid it protects your money, family, love life, and mental health. 

With love,

Pool House